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March 28th, 2020
General NewsHealth and Lifestyle

How do you relax? I didn’t know how!

When I had my breakdown I was ordered by my doctor to relax. In fact his words were ‘I’ve never seen anyone more in need of a holiday. What have you done to yourself?’

The word ‘relax’ filled me with fear. How do you relax? I didn’t know how. I never relaxed and yet I never seemed to get much done.

From the moment my kids woke up in the morning I was in an anxious state. The pressure of trying to keep everything calm for my son who has autism was immense. I would be anxious about being late for work and yet I knew that if I tried to rush his routine that I would pay for it later. Sometimes he would take half hour just to eat his breakfast and I would be tense trying not to stress him out but at the same time I knew I had to hurry him up. One false move on my part could set me back an extra half hour.

Then it was the mad rush through the morning traffic with my youngest making me feel like a bad mother for ‘forcing’ him to go to breakfast club and all the time I would be silently praying that my other son’s 1:1 would be there on time to meet him so I wouldn’t be even more late and face the wrath of my very unsympathetic boss.

I would drive with my body close to the steering wheel in the hope that it would somehow get me to work quicker.

The morning would be spent doing my teaching job and I would be grateful for the joy and perspective that you get from working with small children.

The afternoon would involve staying on (unpaid) to frantically work through an increasing pile of unnecessary admin that I knew I wouldn’t get chance to complete at home.

Then it would be on to the two school runs, the dilemma of what to cook for tea and the numerous after school activities.

By the time the kids were in bed I would be exhausted and end up falling asleep sitting upright on the sofa, fully clothed.

Time taken out of my day to do nothing and to grab some much needed ‘me’ time : Zero

When people talked about some programme they’d watched on TV the night before I would wonder how the hell they found the time and I felt inadequate and like a failure.

The answer was simple. I just couldn’t see it.

I was too anxious and too wound up to manage my time more efficiently and this constant state of anxiety had left me exhausted. It was a vicious circle.

I was scared to relax because I’d have time to consider all that was wrong with my life and I knew I’d have to make some changes.

I was terrified. Change scared the hell out of me.

Often I see clients who know they need to make changes but fear holds them back.

The fear of the unknown.

It took a wise friend to point out that change couldn’t be any worse than how I was feeling.

How would my life look in 6 months time if I didn’t make those changes?

How would this affect my children?

Sometimes we get so caught up in a situation that we just can’t see the solution.

It was time to take action.

I gave up my teaching job, worked on my personal development, got myself some extra qualifications and worked on setting up my own coaching business to help ladies just like me.

I help my clients to discover their own solution to their current situation. I help them question their self limiting beliefs and enable them to move forward.

I’m away next week on a work trip to Marbella but have a few 1:1 slots available to work with me the week beginning 14th October. Message me if you’d like one x

Rachael Barnes, Confidence and Self-Worth Coach

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